


A Box Of Letters

by CactusCowboy



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Accidental Confession, Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Love Letters, Tilly is confused by her feelings, after epilogue spoilers, i wanted to make something nice for the girls but instead made something sad as hell, prompt, rdr sapphic week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27157723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CactusCowboy/pseuds/CactusCowboy
Summary: [For RDR Sapphic Week: Prompt, Love Letters]While helping Mary-Beth pack her stuff to move out to her own place, Tilly comes across a small box. Inside, are a bunch of unsent letters. She reads them.
Relationships: Mary-Beth Gaskill & Tilly Jackson, Mary-Beth Gaskill/Tilly Jackson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17
Collections: RDR Sapphic Week 2020





	A Box Of Letters

**Author's Note:**

> This story was made from the prompt 'Love Letters' from the RDR Sapphic Week prompts. I wrote this about a month back when the prompts were first released so please excuse if I forgot to tag something. I meant to make this nice and cute, but in the end it was a bit more angstier than expected... oh well! I can't write anything but angst.
> 
> Please enjoy!

Mary-Beth was finally moving out. After years of renting a room in a woman's house she finally could move on to her own living space. It had taken her a long time of saving up her pennies that she earned through honest and, sometimes, dishonest means, for her to get to this point. Old habits die hard. It had been a long hard journey for her ever since the Van Der Linde gang fell apart, but now she felt like she could focus on her true passion in life: writing.

Tilly, too, has been feeling more fortunate in recent years compared to her time with the Van Der Linde gang. Very recently married, she was beaming, with joy painting her features most days. When she heard that her friend was finally moving out and into her own space she was, of course, ecstatic. 

"I told you Mary-Beth! I said, you'll be moving out of that old dusty place in no time, and now here you are!" Mary-Beth couldn't hold back the wide grin that spread onto her face. In her arms she was hauling a, pretty heavy looking, crate filled to the brim with old books she had collected over the years. Sweat was glistening on her forehead and causing her curls to turn dark and stick around the edges of her hairline. The outside heat and the work of having to carry all of her things out of her old house began to take its effect on her. And, judging by the less-than full cart that stood outside in the dirt, she wasn't even close to done.

"You look tired Mary-Beth. You called me over to help didn't you?" Tilly fretted, following Mary-Beth to the cart as she set the heavy crate down on the splintered wood. A heavy sigh left her lips as the weight left her arms, and she pointedly turned towards Tilly.

"Yes I did, but I didn't expect you to be carrying!" Mary-Beth gestured to the small baby bump that was beginning to strain the white and floral pattern of her dress. Mary-Beth hadn't seen Tilly since her wedding and, due to the fact that the two friends had been very busy for some time, neither of them were able to exchange letters for a few months. This was the first day that Mary-Beth was informed of the arrival of a new Jackson baby.

"That doesn't mean I still can't help! You can barely notice. I can still do some heavy lifting." Tilly's hands came to her hips and she raised an eyebrow at Mary-Beth. Mary could tell by the look in her dark eyes that she wouldn't take no for an answer. She stumbled over her words for a moment, fumbling to find a good enough excuse to keep Tilly out of working but finding none. Eventually she sighed and brushed a curl out from in front of her eyes.

"Fine. But you aren't allowed to carry any big boxes! If I catch you picking at any of those crates I will ride you back home myself!" Mary-Beth said strictly, wiggling her finger sternly in Tilly's face. There was a playfulness to it that got Tilly giggling.

"Y'know, sometimes you sound like Miss.Grimshaw." Tilly mused with a bittersweet smile. It had taken a couple years for the two to be able to refer back to Miss.Grimshaw or the gang without shedding a few tears. At this point it was a distant memory that was left in the back of their minds, only brought forward when the time was right to mourn. But for now, they tried to look back at it with a positive light.

"God I hope not..." Mary-Beth mused back before beginning to lead Tilly into the house through the front door, which was slightly off its hinges and gave off an ugly groaning sound when opened. The house was rather big, but that was only because it was shared between about eight women. Most of them were out of the house for the day. Some were doing work elsewhere and others were busy in their rooms taking care of their children. So, for the moment, the bottom floor of the house seemed pretty vacant save for a few crates of Mary-Beth's belongings. 

Mary-Beth didn't own too much. The reason for all the crates was because they were filled with books and newspapers she collected from years of being obsessed with reading. Between the stacks of paper, a few of her own journals could be found. Most of them half finished with pages and pages of scraped works in progress. 

"My room is over there. There are some small things you can grab in there while I get the rest of the crates." Mary-Beth gestured towards an open door a little ways down the hallway that led into a small room. Tilly shot her bit of a look before nodding and heading towards her room. Tilly never liked being underestimated. But she understood her friend's concern. Mary-Beth busied herself with picking up more crates while Tilly made herself busy in her room.

Tilly could immediately tell it was Mary-Beth's room just by taking one look at it. The room was tiny, and would barely be able to fit two people inside if they were standing, yet somehow Mary-Beth had managed to squeeze a small desk into the room right next to her bed. 

On the desk sat stacks of folded up papers that are tied together with twine and a fountain pen Tilly recognized from when Mary-Beth gushed about Arthur getting it for her all those years ago. Though the memory of their old friend would eventually hurt, so she didn't dwell too long on that thought. Also sitting on the desk was an old photograph in a frame that showed Miss.Grimshaw in her younger days. Tilly was grateful that the two of them were able to retrieve the photo before the Pinkertons showed up and did some real damage to the camp. If the thought never crossed their mind to grab it, they probably would have nothing to remember Susan by. Tilly thanked God that they did.

But another thing sat on Mary-Beth's desk that caught Tilly's attention. It was a small wooden lock box that, upon closer inspection, had very detailed flowers carved into the top of it. The bronze latch that held it together was dirty and worn, and it was clear to see that it wasn't exactly new. The box intrigued Tilly because, not only had she never seen it before, but the box was an odd size. It was too big to just be a jewelry box, and yet too small to hold anything significant. Tilly's curiosity had been piqued, and now she was sure there was no way to get this nagging out of her mind until she opened the box. 

It is probably nothing meaningful, she assured herself. Maybe the box held old photos of the gang members? It could be possible since Mary-Beth always longed to keep old photographs of everyone she knew. Maybe it was just a jewelry box, it was just odd in size. But she couldn't just leave it up to speculation. Tilly turned and looked at the doorway into Mary-Beth's bedroom, and she stepped forward to peek out at the other woman. When she checked, she saw that she was busy chatting with another woman in the house. Tilly stepped back inside and back over to the desk.

She took the box in hand, and noticed that it was significantly lighter than she expected it to be. Could there be a chance that the box was actually empty? It would be odd since the box looks rather old. At that point her curiosity was burning a hole into her mind. She chewed at her bottom lip for a moment, before finally deciding to open the latch of the box. 

Once she pulled the top of the box back and she could finally peer inside of it, she felt a bit of relief at what she saw. Of course. Inside was a stack of neatly folded up papers with, what Tilly assumed to be, Mary-Beth's writing. Still though, her curiosity continued to get the better of her. Perhaps these were more scraps of Mary-Beth's unfinished novels, or one of her delightful poems she would always excitedly present to her back when the gang was still around. The thought of what it could be brought a smile to her face. She loved Mary-Beth's writing, and since they have been apart she rarely got to read what she wrote. 

She couldn't help herself. She pulled the first paper off of the stack and unfolded it. Just one look at the beautifully curved cursive and she could tell it was Mary-Beth's. Her heart swelled up and she prepared herself before she began to read what was written. The very top of the page was folded over and on top of the fold the date was hurriedly scribbled over it.

'June 7th, 1899' 

That took Tilly way back.

'I have spent many long nights wondering if I should write this letter to you.' The first section was crossed out and then a space underneath it, another line was crossed out, 'Every time I would close my eyes to rest, my mind would boggle me with thoughts of you that wouldn't go away until I spilled them onto paper.'

Finally there was a sentence that wasn't crossed out, and much easier for Tilly to read without straining her eyes too much,

'I don't know how to say this to you, and I'm sure if I tried I would ruin it somehow. So I have decided I should tell you by pen and paper. This is the first time I have felt this way towards someone like you, so excuse me if I can't exactly get every single one of my thoughts down correctly. 

Every time I lay my eyes on you my heart pounds in my ears, louder than a herd of Buffalo dashing through a prairie. Every time you look at me with that deep brown gaze, my face flushes red hot. Every time you talk to me about your day, I can't help but look at the perfect curve of your lips and imagine what it would be like to have them on mine.' Tilly flushed. She knew Mary-Beth was into romance, but she never knew she could write like this. Now her curiosity was even stronger.

'You fill up my senses and then refuse to leave my mind for days on end. Sometimes the only reason why I get out of bed in the morning is because I know I will be greeted by your smiling face once I'm up. I just can't take it anymore.

I know it may be frowned upon, and that you may judge me for this, but I really must tell you.'

Another line of words were scratched out on the page, 'I love--' 'I am--' 'I really think I'm--' 'Love is a--' and then finally, uncrossed out:

'I'm in love with you and have been for a while.

I hope you can understand my feelings for you and I hope this doesn't affect our friendship if you don't feel the same.

Sincerely your friend,

Mary-Beth'

Her signature on the page was the last nail in the coffin to confirm that this letter was most definitely from Mary-Beth. Tilly was shocked. She never knew that Mary-Beth had this kind of romance with anyone. She had to know who the letter was for, but as far as she could see there was no name on it other than Mary-Beth's. That's when she looked back up at the fold at the top of the paper where the date was written. She reached forward and lifted the folded paper up until she could read the top. 

'Dear Tilly,' It said on the dear line. Clear as day. Tilly was taken aback, and immediately she read and re-read it over and over again until it finally processed in her mind. This... love letter...was meant for her? Why did she never receive it?

She quickly put the letter aside on Mary-Beth's desk and delved into the other writings that were in the box. Her eyes scanned over each one quickly. Every single one of them were letters addressed to her from Mary-Beth, all confessing her love. Each one bared a different date at the top.

'July 24th, 1899'

'September 5th, 1899'

'March 16th, 1900'

Each date became more recent and recent until she found the last letter, that was dated only to have been made a month ago. It was shorter than the other ones, and water stains smudged the ink writing. 

'Dear Tilly,

I know you are married now, and I can tell that you're so happy with him. You were beaming so beautifully at your wedding. I know he'll make you happy. I hope you start a beautiful family together. 

I still love you.

Mary-Beth'

Tilly could feel a nail of guilt hammered straight into her heart. She never realized... that Mary-Beth felt that way. Thinking back on it now, it makes so much sense. 

If only...

If only she had found these notes earlier...

Tilly felt sick, stuck. The perfect life she had laid out before her was fractured in just a second. She wasn't sure what to do.

"Hey Tilly, I'm all done with the boxes out here! How's it going in there?" Mary-Beth's voice echoed through the house and into her room. Tilly forgot how to breathe as she immediately began to fold each letter back up as neatly as she could and shove them back into the box. She tried to be delicate, but at the same time she was in a rush.

By the time Mary-Beth was peeking her head through the door, all she could see was Tilly holding her box. There was no evidence left to suggest that she had read it. Once Mary-Beth spotted the box in her hand, her eyes immediately widened and she walked over to her.

"Oh uh... I didn't even realize I left that out. Don't worry about it, I can take it." She offered, reaching forward and taking the box out of Tilly's hand. Instead of complaining about how she could take care of carrying a small box, she was met with a silence Mary-Beth didn't expect. "Are you okay?" Worry laced her voice. Tilly stared at the beautifully carved box for a moment before painting a smile on her face. 

"I'm fine, I just spaced out for a minute." She felt dizzy. Mary-Beth's brows furrowed as she looked up at her friend and she reached forward to grab at her arm gently. Her touch branded her skin.

"Are you alright? You don't look so hot." Mary-Beth didn't wait for an answer before she led her over to the bed and sat her down. She stood above her and with soft fingertips she rested her palm on Tilly's forehead, feeling for any sign of fever. 

"I'm--" Tilly paused for a moment, looking up at the woman who she just recently found out was in love with her, "I'm fine Mary-Beth. You're worrying too much." For years.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you work while pregnant! I can't have you hurting yourself and the baby just for my sake!" I hope you start a beautiful family together. 

"I'm not hurting anyone. I haven't even done anything yet." Tilly argued back. 

"Oh hush. This is me moving, so it's my rules. I'm gonna ride you back into town so your husband can take care of you." I know he'll make you happy.

'What if I don't want to go back?' Tilly wanted to argue back, but the words never left her mouth. She had so many questions and no answers whatsoever. Even if she did have the answers, what was she meant to do? She had a husband. She had a child that was soon to be born. She couldn't just leave everything to be with Mary-Beth. 

The set path in front of her had never felt so blurred.

She wished it was back when she was still in the gang. She had no one she needed to answer to. She had no responsibilities, no commitments. She could do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. There was no set path for her. Just an open field blooming with possibilities. She wished that in that open field, Mary-Beth was laying in a bed of flowers, waiting for her. She wished she could lay beside her, interlock their hands and let their eyes connect. She wished she could say to her, "I always loved you back."

But she can't. It would be for the best for the both of them if those confessions never left their lips. It would be best if they faked a smile and pretended everything was alright. It would be best if they stayed friends like this, forever. Always loving each other in secret, and hiding it in the daylight. That was the safest path for them.

So Tilly accepted the offer. She let Mary-Beth ride her back into town and to her perfect little home. She stepped in and was greeted by her perfect, loving husband. She took the perfect, and safe path. But how perfect is a path you can never be happy taking. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my friend Aidrian for making some fanart for this fic!
> 
> link here! https://graaid.tumblr.com/post/641318297594445824/tfw-your-girlfriend-writes-you-a-romantic-letter


End file.
